One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
