having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
