I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
