Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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