I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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