"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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