Cold hands, warm shart.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
