Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
