So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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