oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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