I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
