You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
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I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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