dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
