Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
