I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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