Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
