The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Randomize
