I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
