we're chasing vodka with high fives
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
