I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Randomize
