I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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