I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
