i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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