Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
two words: eviction party
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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