Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
