im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
