seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
