Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
