hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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