so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
