Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
