I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
