Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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