I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
