just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
