I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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