I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize