Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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