i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
