I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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