her vagine was all disorganized.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
