So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
