I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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