She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
