My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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