Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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