I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
