1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
