How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
