i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
