What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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