Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
