i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You ate ashes out of my bong
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
