You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
