ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
