If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
