quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
