I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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