So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
