I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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