at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He better not be in your backpack
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
