I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
