My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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