so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
