the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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