I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
