i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
